"Bloody hell John, I've found the motherload! It's like that fucking God's jewel box in Jason and The Argonauts, bagsy getting the brooch pin javelin!"
As the two John's clambered up into the dust storm they couldn't help but feel like this was their Howard Carter moment. They had uncovered a vast treasure trove of football gold. They saw many artefacts. Record books, Panini stickers in abundance, an old trophy cabinet and not least of all hundreds of footballers... The first person to confront them, blinking against the light was a certain Mr. Wilson, his ginger bonce reflecting the dust that had settled on all these ex-pro's. The last time I saw his diminuative figure it had been dazzling twelve year olds and enjoying it far too much. You see, once on Hull FC's books, his hometown club had let him go forcing him into a career as a Physical Education teacher. Years of sizeist and ginger-based ridicule and abuse must've driven him to set up this den of inequity, faded glory, home of the generally forgotten. To many these descriptions may have applied, but to me and my hombre John this was a hall of fame... Mr. Wilson's Hall of Fame.
Here is a picture of Mr. Wilson when he played for Hull as a lad:
The next unlikely character stepped forward, Mr. Wilson used his magic wind breath to blow the dust away. Well, imagine our suprise to find that it was none other than Leonardo (from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) look-a-like Big Trev. COWABUNGA. What a result, the first resident of Mr. Wilson's Hall of Fame is Trevor Benjamin.
Born on the 8th of February 1979 little Trevor Benjamin should have known he was going to develop into a shining star of English league football, he only shared a birthdate with King Afonso IV of Portugal and none other than Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo who is one of the blokes from Daft Punk, I think. As he blinked and gasped on entry to this realm, little did he know he would be joining his popular dance lovin' brother in travelling 'Around The World' (MUSIC TRIVIA +10) playing for twenty one different league clubs, at time of counting of course.
The Beginning of The Journey
His professional career began at Cambridge United where he made an unauspicious debut in a thrilling 0-0 draw with the mighty Gillingham side of 1995. He went on to make a name for himself at the club scoring 46 goals in 146 appearances, what he was doing in the one hundred he didn't scoring God only knows, probably saving the world or performing a half-decent stand in job for the perpetual wantaway, traffic cone known as Emile Heskey when he moved to Leicester City for a transfer fee of £1.3 million and he managed to clock up just over 80 appearances, scoring 17 goals and in the process breaking a Leicester City club record. He is the current holder of the club's 'Most Appearances Made As A Substitute' record, managing to total 54 substitute appearances. When one looks at this closely you will notice that if you subtract the amount of substitute appearances from the total games played it leaves you with 26 starts and 17 goals. AN AWESOME RETRUN. If you ask me Craig Levein knows about as much about football as I know about Dairylea Traingles, and I think we all know that I know only one thing about those little triangles of sick and that is that they are horrible and make me want to commit suicide whenever I even smell one. Nonetheless when the Scottish stupid-head took charge he cancelled our Trev's contract and so began the infamous 'Great Loan Era'.
The Great Loan Era
He travelled from Crystal palace to Norwich City to West Bromwich Albion to Gillingham to Rushden and Diamonds to brighton and Hove Albion and finally to Northampton Town where he managed to secure himself a personal contract. All in all Trevor managed to score 12 goals in 40 appearances which when you imagine the problems numerous other players have settling into a club before they start banging them in Big Benjo' moved seven times in roughly three years and still managed to produce a very decent season's worth of goals amidst all of the new faces, new grounds and new game plans he would have had to adapt to. I bet Craig Levein had turned to the drink by now, losing sleep and generally looking in the mirror every morning knowing he had let everyone down. He signed permanently for Northampton Town after his loan spell then left to permanently join Coventry City under Micky 'Overbite' Adams back when he was still viewed as a credible manager. He was released by Adams in the summer of 2006 and so began Mickey's slide into the depths of management despair, yet another coach left rueing a catastrophic blunder. Management Rule #1. Don't ever release The Trev.
The Posh and The Second Great Loan Era
The final big move for our homie Trev was to Peterborough United where he signed a three year contract of which he faithfully served a year before beginning the 'Second Great Loan Era' where he travelled to see the sights and sample the metropolitan football lifestyle of Watford, Swindon, Boston United and Walsall where he acquired a new saddle for his faithful steed Emile whom had loyally carried him from club to club, requiring only the occassional oatmeal bar and a few mouthfuls of Powerade-soaked polos. However, that saddle would soon be worn out as Trevor travelled the land in search of a manager that would finally tap his fabulous potential. He racked up a solid ten goals in 34 appearances at Hereford before scoring a further 7 goals on his ever lengthening quest for football glory taking in Gainsborough Trinity, Northwitch Victoria, Hednesford Town, Wellingborough Town, Kidsgrove Athletic, Tamworth, where he swapped ageing Emile for a more pacey Tamworth breed pig and finally to Harrogate Town where he is playing as we speak because Trevor Benjamin never sleeps. He plays football constantly, every day of his life he is playing the beautiful game and I'm not going to lie to you I don't think he'll ever stop. A real legend and should be included in the football thesaurus as a substitute for the word 'Journeyman'.
Unfortunately because of his sheer awesomeness which can never be processed by any current technology, apparently he is a big favourite with The Vulcans, the only footage available on the human internet is this clip on YouTube. Bask in the glory:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8y2lkrnA3o
N.B. Trevor Benjamin played one Under 21 game for England and made one appearance for Jamaica so Mickey, Craig... Lads, you let an international go for free. You want to have a look at yourselves boys. Seriously.
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